We warned you.

Being happy isn’t worth it, take it from us. There’s all sorts of things that will happen to you if adopt the mantra of happiness or even make an effort to be more happy. It’s horrible! Terrifying! We’ve listed 5 things you don’t want to hear about happiness. Here we go!




1. You’ll live longer 🙁



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I mean, who wants to live longer? To experience new wonders, different foods and spend more time with their loved ones? It’s just.. diabolical! According to the Harvard School of Public Health, you’ll have less chances of stress with means less chances of stress related afflictions! So if you don’t want to live a longer, fulfilling life, don’t be happy :'(

2. Your happiness is infectious and will make other people happy in return, oh the horror

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You’ll find that every single well functioning human being has some level of empathy which means that if they see you being all happy and jovial, they’re likely to feel happy and jovial. I mean, who wants to _share_ their happiness? It should be all yours and yet, just by being happy around people, you make them happy?! What a cruel way the world works!


3. You’ll become popular, omg



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Think about it. People gravitate towards people who can make them feel positive emotions, as said above. But that means that people all around you will.. like you. Ugh. Who wants the general respect and admiration of their peers? Think of all the people who will want to talk to you, listen to you and socialise with you and all because you have earned their respect. It’s madness I tell you.



4. You’ll always feel satisfied, what a cop out, ey?



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When you put in the effort and decide to feel happy, you’ll be generally satisfied with.. everything. What’s the point in life if you’re satisfied with everything? Not only will you release the euphoria hormone, you’ll awesome all the time. What about the sadness? What about pain and regret? If you care about them, don’t ever think about adopting the mantra of happiness or they’ll go away completely and we don’t want that, do we?!



5. You’ll be more productive, oh no



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Just think, having the will power to get the things done that you need doing once you adopt the mantra of happiness. What about all the games you need to play? Don’t pay any attention to your workload, people who do are successful in life and nobody wants to burden themselves with success. So whatever you, don’t make the effort to adopt happiness. It’ll get you everywhere.



If you enjoyed this list, which is satire if you didn’t realise as adopting happiness is always a good thing, like and follow our social media accounts and you’ll never miss an article that’ll provide you with a daily smile!


Just a normal guy trying to make the world a tiny bit happier. Broadcast Journalism graduate with a multitude of skills. I created Chipper with my friends for one purpose and one purpose alone. To balance the negative news stimuli that fills out your screens. I also love breaded chicken products and milky drinks.